2 takes on umpires

So I umpired last night and then I felt I should update my whatever this is so I thought I would present my two viewpoints on it: 1. as an umpire and 2. as fan or coach.

1. As an umpire (at least in little league) I try to have a liberal strike zone because no one benefits from an 80 walk game. However, it is hard to stay consistent so I find myself tightening the zone a bit from what I initially thought I would have. I have to keep some things in mind and just be the umpire because I want to do the following:
Coach - tell the catcher he is too far back (this not only causes more pass balls but makes it harder for me to call accurate balls and strikes), tell the batter to move off the plate or closer to the plate as I see issues there. Then, I want to call strikes no matter where the ball is when there is a batter that ducks on pitches an inch inside or backs out on every pitch (I have these same kids on my team as well) to teach them to stay in and try and hit. However I resist these temptations and relish when it actually is a strike.
Be a Jerk - Not to the kid and this is what saves me but, when a coach is doing the passive aggressive arguing I want to call everything against him.
Also, the league we umpire which is farm, umpires our games so I have seen coaches that umpired our game and did horrible and I want to return the favor. But, again, I don't. Like last night, one of the assistant coaches was an umpire for one of our games and some of the aggregious things he did were to stand 5 feet behind the catcher as he called balls and strikes - he said I don't have a cup on so I want to stay safe. Unbelievable! The second would be to make calls before the play or pitch was over. Calling strikes before they crossed the plate etc. Oh, and, on a ground ball on the foul line he called it foul as the ball was still rolling and not picked up. It was close to the line and the field had a wierd baseline that was lower than the grass surrounding it so it could have gone back fair. It didn't but came within an inch of being on the line.
1A. Now umpiring is not easy and in baseball there are so many rules and in little league they add more so knowing everything is impossible. I have a respect for umpires that you can tell give an honest hard effort. I just don't like the guy with the "Hey I'm just a volunteer" attitude. We are all volunteers buddy. Still do the most you can.

2. Coach - As long as they are consistent I am fine. If I hardly remember the umpire: Great Job! But, I have on occasion not really liked an ump as I felt the kids were shorted opportunities to learn and progress because of the effort put in.
3. Fan - I am way harder on officials as a fan. If an umpire will consult with his comrades or even admit to a blown call that's way better than the guy with the I am the official and my word is law.

So, in summary - If I never had to umpire again, I would be fine with that. I know and try to remind myself and players that the official doesn't make or break a game (with a few exceptions Tim Donague (sp)). Even with bad calls I can usually pick out a ton of errors the team made the if not made would have added to our score or taken from their score. If you ever wondered what I think now you know. But you didn't and you still know.